How Stress Affects Your Relationships And Productivity.
Picture this scenario: Sally is married. She works as a waitress at a local high-class diner, and her husband is a dentist. She earns less than a quarter of what he earns, but he says he really doesn't mind as long as she's happy. Sally was happy, but after watching a documentary on successful women she decided that she wanted to study further to become a lawyer. She did not have enough money herself to pay for the studies, so asked her husband if he would help her. He says, "Oh my dear, you are successful to me, you don't need to prove your success. You are a good mother and a wonderful wife. Why do you want to be a lawyer?" She tries to explain to him that being a waitress is not too much fun for her. He says, "Then why don’t you just quit?" She tries to tell him that she feels she should be doing something to bring monies into the home; that this was what she was raised to believe. She goes on to say that she feels she could be doing so much more. He tells her, "Oh my dear, I have all the money we need. Just quit your job and be a mother and wife." She tires to explain that she has a desire to want to be successful. He says, "But, you are. You can take yourself shopping to buy clothes that make you look successful if you like." She gasps and tells him, "That’s not what this about. I really want to make something of myself. I am intelligent." He says, "Yes, you are dear, but you're needed at home. How can you study to become a lawyer, which will take a great deal of your time, and still look after our child and the household?" Instantly she is offended that he sees her as a housewife. What will Sally do? In truth there are two sides to this story. Look at the possible causes of stress for Sally; causes she may 'think' are causes: - She feels the man she married does not support her. - She worries she will never 'become' successful. - She is offended by her husband's opinion of her. - She is frustrated by having to be at home, and by having to be a waitress (even though she could quit if she wanted to) serving food to the women she wishes she could be like. - She begins to resent household duties and chores, which may even cause a rift between her and her daughter. - A rift has inevitably formed between her and her husband, and she resents having to sleep next to him at night. Now let's look at the possible 'honest/true/rational' causes of stress for Sally here: - She was tired, and after watching the show on successful women, noticed a new grey hair or wrinkle and started to feel unattractive. She was raised to be self-sufficient and now feels that if she earns more she will become more attractive. - She has been surrounded by financially successful women for some time, as she serves them at the diner, and without even considering the stressors that may be apparent in their lives, thinks it would be fun to be one of them. - She automatically assumes that her husband sees her as a 'housewife', and was offended by this; when in essence all he was trying to tell her was that she is perfect as she is, and he couldn't ask for a better mother for his daughter. - She is bored of her life being the way it is. Sally would need to understand the truths behind her dilemma. She will need to understand the root causes of her stress. After all, she does have responsibilities when it comes to being a mother and wife. Unfortunately for Sally, these successes are seldom applauded by society. She has been influenced by society, and has turned a blind-eye to her current responsibilities. In this scenario, the best option would be to: - quit her job and appreciate early retirement, thanks to her husband! - take a look at the lives of the successful women she serves at the diner, and those she saw on the show, and find out just how happy they really are – or are they all on medication for stress? - spend quality time having fun with her daughter, who probably really needs a homely mother at this stage in her life. - appreciate her circumstances and realize how many women would love to be in her shoes. 4.1 – Relationships And Stress. In a relationship, when one individual feels that the demands of life are exceeding what they are capable of giving, it's not unusual for the other to take a beating. The stressed individual can also fall into depression which can be increasingly difficult for the partner to accept, whether due to their being saddened by it or even plain irritated with their partner's 'self-pity' attitude. When a stressed partner in a relationship becomes negative or angry on a frequent basis, this also puts tremendous strain on the relationship; on all the individuals involved. Regardless of the relationship type – individuals that spend a great deal of time together will need to understand one another – help each other to reduce the amount of stress experienced, by: - ensuring that they evaluate their causes of stress honestly, and then take the necessary steps to eliminate them, - ensuring that they both have healthy diets, - ensuring they both have enough time to relax and unwind, - helping one-another to talk their way through complicated issues, - spending time together exercising, - strengthening one-another by supporting each others' beliefs, - helping one another to rationalize when circumstances generate irrational responses, - basically never letting each other fall down. If the partner unaffected by stress is not prepared to assist the stressed partner; in all honesty the relationship should be terminated.
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