How companies use emotional manipulation to hook you.
As mentioned previously, marketers have discovered that to offer to fulfil a weakness is more profitable than offering to boost a strength. Think about it; if you are thriving in life already, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever ‘desperately’ need such-and-such a product to make it better. Certain social media platforms (if not all), will limit the number of posts seen in a newsfeed or status, if the user does not receive much interaction from others. You may post ten posts a day, but you will receive only one engagement in the form of a like or a comment – maybe a share. If your posts are not providing your friends, followers, or general public with information that somehow promotes an agenda that the site is involved with, the chances of your posts being seen become less. An example would be a post that states, ‘Our government is fraudulent – we must fight them!’ Because there are hundreds, if not thousands, of users that are feeling despondent in these times, many of them will jump at the opportunity for a good rant. In truth, it seems that many individuals think that maintaining power through aggression will keep them strong and in control. Unfortunately, being angry all the time leads to various illnesses, mental disorders, and eventually a lonely life, because not everyone likes grumpy people. And so, offering a post that will get many engagements and, in turn, keep people glued to the specific social media site for longer, as they wait to see other arguments that come through in the comments (the prurient interest theory), is better for the site than offering a post about the handmade soaps that you sell from home. If you post three inflammatory posts and seven arbitrary posts, you’ll find the inflammatory ones get fed into your friends’ newsfeeds, while the others receive little to no attention because they do not arouse strong enough emotion within other viewers, to spur those viewers into spending longer on the site or purchasing a product. But it is not just the social media sites that have trained their bots to do this. People using social media sites to sell their products, or boost the agenda of an organization they work for, will do the same. An example from an organization could be, ‘How could you let this puppy die – shame on you!’ In a post like this, they have hit you right in your guilt spot. But you don’t want to feel guilty; you don’t want anything to be ‘your fault’, so you engage with a sad emoji or even a comment telling them and others how you donated $10 to their cause, because that should at least get you off the guilty list. It’s that simple. The manipulators are greedy and have no problem with harping on your weakened emotions for a dollar. The hackers, on the other hand, are playing with your naiveties and vulnerabilities. You receive a private message saying you have won such-and-such a competition, just because your name starts with a certain letter! Better still, some act like retired navy officers with PTSD looking for love; they recently had an operation and can’t pay the bill – will you please help them. Or they’ll ask you to ‘please share this post of a young child dying of cancer’. What you did not know was that through sharing that post, you’ve activated malware in your own account that will find it’s way into your and your friends’ details, and steal your information.
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They’re in trouble because of a past that has nothing to do with them.
There’s a saying from the Bible (the Bible being another rulebook for its religion only, not necessarily the rulebook for the entire world) that says – The sins of the fathers are visited upon the children. Simply put, this means that mistakes made by previous generations will be made by, and become burden to, the newer generations if they are not corrected in time. Not all kids are angels, but neither were (or are) their parents. Parents should never blame their children, especially in their teen years, for trying to work out exactly how life should be lived. Because children are raised by their parents’ ideals, who were raised by their parents’ ideals, the children often pick-up on their parents’ mannerisms. Often they pick-up the genetic faults as well, like disease or even depression, via genetics. They will agree with their parents for as long as it serves them, and then one day they’ll think – “This way aint’ working – I have to find another way’. And this is not out of rebellion, it is simply because their parents’ ideals do not suit our time. Our time poses as many challenges as the elders faced, no doubt, yet they are different. These days, one has the right to insist - in a court of law - that they were not in the wrong if they weren’t. In days of old, they had less say in authority’s power over them. This can be seen by witches being burned at the stake for offering plants as a remedy to the common cold. Sometimes the authorities are not provided with the correct information, or information that could stand in the person’s good stead is withheld or destroyed, much like many of the Gnostic teachings were destroyed after the Bible was written by the Romans; the same people who crucified the man they say humanity should worship. Again, it makes no sense. And so, we find teens being subjected to rules that were fine for times of old, but not these times. We want to raise thinkers and creatives, capable of lifting humanity into a new realm of peace, equality and love. These ideals cannot be taught or insisted upon by those who chose war in the first place. Perhaps the worst consequence of ‘the sins of the fathers’ was a financial one. After the Wars, some countries were in debt and had to borrow money from other countries to keep afloat. Since that time so much debt has been incurred, as some of these countries were never able to pay back their initial debts yet were granted further loans. And now, those who voted for a government that chose to loan instead of finding another system of equality for their people are deceased. Yet, the debt still remains. Who will pay these debts in the long run? The children – and it’s their generation and the generations that will follow them who will have to work endlessly at paying severely-inflated taxes, in order to pay the debts of their forefathers. And that’s just not fair. Enter the rebels. Personal Reward.
'Success' means to achieve goals that you have set. The keys to success are discipline and time management, because they enable us to keep working toward our goals. Described like this, the road to success sounds like trudging through wet cement. However, there is a better way. Reward Yourself For Your Success. Try framing success like this. The key to success is knowing how to reward and praise yourself for achieving realistic short and long-term goals. Success isn’t the only reward for your good behavior, however. Behavioral psychologists have been studying motivation for decades and have found that through our consciously supplying positive reinforcement to ourselves in our lives we actually begin to form 'good habits', like discipline and the practice of effective time management. Food As Positive Reinforcement. The intelligent use of rewards can make doing the difficult or mundane tasks in our life much easier. Food rewards are useful for both daily and major achievements. For daily goal reinforcement, choose delicious stress-busting treats like dark chocolate covered almonds, bananas with chocolate syrup, dark chocolate covered blueberries, low fat ice cream or a low fat latte (who wouldn't want to strive toward a reward like this!). Celebrate your major goals with friends, family or a loved one by enjoying cocktails (or a salmon and cream cheese salad – it's your choice) at your favorite restaurant. Baking a cake or a batch of cookies is also a great way to share your victory with your family. Your Rewards Should Fit Your Goals. The way you reward yourself should fit the goal you have reached. For example, if fitness and losing weight are your goals, reinforcing a week at the gym with a slice of blueberry cheesecake could be seen as 'inappropriate'. Buying yourself a new workout CD would encourage you to exercise, and would also make your routine that much more fun and exciting. Purchasing new exercise clothes or athletic shoes after successfully reaching several months of your dietary and fitness goals may also serve as a good motivator. Time Off As A Reward. The important thing to remember, especially for high achievers and hard workers, is to give yourself permission to take time off. This could be your best form of reward. For many successful people, this seems difficult, if not impossible. Single mothers and fathers, and folks juggling between work and school, can easily become overwhelmed with their routine. Don’t forget to schedule time for yourself where you will do nothing but relax, or do something that you really like to do. You deserve it, and knowing that you can watch a movie, take a nap, read a book or take a hot shower can help you to make it through a hectic schedule. Reward As A 'Personal Contract'. The way to successfully motivate yourself using appropriate rewards is to create a 'binding contract' with yourself each time you set goals for yourself. Some individuals find that it works for them to physically 'write down' their goals and rewards and then 'check each one off' as they are accomplished. Others find that a simple mental note works along with visualizing the reward that will come at the end of the task. Sharing Rewards. Many of us enjoy working with others when it comes to goal setting and the reward process, because doing so increases the accountability of both the goals and the rewards. Sharing goals and rewards can also increase your chances for success because you will know that someone actually does care about whether you achieve this 'success'. This also creates a natural support group which can provide encouragement and feedback. Self-awareness. Self-awareness is crucial to achieving your goals. Listening to what you tell yourself (your instincts, opinions, and thoughts on the issue) will help you to discover where you feel you fall short. It will also allow you to 'pat yourself on the back' or 'blow your own horn' during times of achievement (even when no-one else does). Some of us tend to be too harsh on ourselves when we don’t meet our expectations. Be careful here, because this can eventually 'sabotage' your ability to achieve your goals. Being too critical of yourself (calling yourself stupid or incompetent) can lead to self-induced stress and ultimately depression, which will take its toll on your immune system. When you don’t accomplish a task as well as you had hoped; rather than attack yourself for the failure, use it constructively to learn from it. Examining 'what went wrong' and correcting it is a much better use of your time than berating yourself for the disappointment would be. Setting Realistic Goals. Be sure you are setting realistic goals for yourself. If there is an area where you need to improve, take small steps. For instance, if you are giving up sweets or cigarettes, begin by cutting back on your intake. Do this for a week or so. When you meet this goal, cut back more… and so on, until you have eliminated intake altogether. At each step, reward yourself for cutting back. When you achieve your goals, what do you tell yourself? Do you praise yourself for a job well done or do you ignore it and just keep going? It’s important that you give yourself positive feedback for getting through the tough days. Your daily routine may seem ordinary; however, by noticing your small achievements, in the long run you will accomplish something extraordinary. Reminders Of Success. Some of us find it helpful to create certificates, badges, or even take photo as mementos of our accomplishments. Having something concrete; something to hold and look at, can help to motivate you to achieve even higher goals. These mementos also serve as reminders that you are a successful person; that you already have achieved such and such, and are therefore capable of achieving even more. As mentioned previously, time management can be seen as essential when it comes to achieving goals. Keeping a time-log helps you to make sure that your time is spent wisely. The judicious use of rewards can act as a motivator for daily tasks, as well as for long-term objectives that actually deserve to be celebrated. By knowing your motivations and by incorporating them into a system that is based on your goals and rewards, you can achieve success. How Stress Affects Your Relationships And Productivity.
Picture this scenario: Sally is married. She works as a waitress at a local high-class diner, and her husband is a dentist. She earns less than a quarter of what he earns, but he says he really doesn't mind as long as she's happy. Sally was happy, but after watching a documentary on successful women she decided that she wanted to study further to become a lawyer. She did not have enough money herself to pay for the studies, so asked her husband if he would help her. He says, "Oh my dear, you are successful to me, you don't need to prove your success. You are a good mother and a wonderful wife. Why do you want to be a lawyer?" She tries to explain to him that being a waitress is not too much fun for her. He says, "Then why don’t you just quit?" She tries to tell him that she feels she should be doing something to bring monies into the home; that this was what she was raised to believe. She goes on to say that she feels she could be doing so much more. He tells her, "Oh my dear, I have all the money we need. Just quit your job and be a mother and wife." She tires to explain that she has a desire to want to be successful. He says, "But, you are. You can take yourself shopping to buy clothes that make you look successful if you like." She gasps and tells him, "That’s not what this about. I really want to make something of myself. I am intelligent." He says, "Yes, you are dear, but you're needed at home. How can you study to become a lawyer, which will take a great deal of your time, and still look after our child and the household?" Instantly she is offended that he sees her as a housewife. What will Sally do? In truth there are two sides to this story. Look at the possible causes of stress for Sally; causes she may 'think' are causes: - She feels the man she married does not support her. - She worries she will never 'become' successful. - She is offended by her husband's opinion of her. - She is frustrated by having to be at home, and by having to be a waitress (even though she could quit if she wanted to) serving food to the women she wishes she could be like. - She begins to resent household duties and chores, which may even cause a rift between her and her daughter. - A rift has inevitably formed between her and her husband, and she resents having to sleep next to him at night. Now let's look at the possible 'honest/true/rational' causes of stress for Sally here: - She was tired, and after watching the show on successful women, noticed a new grey hair or wrinkle and started to feel unattractive. She was raised to be self-sufficient and now feels that if she earns more she will become more attractive. - She has been surrounded by financially successful women for some time, as she serves them at the diner, and without even considering the stressors that may be apparent in their lives, thinks it would be fun to be one of them. - She automatically assumes that her husband sees her as a 'housewife', and was offended by this; when in essence all he was trying to tell her was that she is perfect as she is, and he couldn't ask for a better mother for his daughter. - She is bored of her life being the way it is. Sally would need to understand the truths behind her dilemma. She will need to understand the root causes of her stress. After all, she does have responsibilities when it comes to being a mother and wife. Unfortunately for Sally, these successes are seldom applauded by society. She has been influenced by society, and has turned a blind-eye to her current responsibilities. In this scenario, the best option would be to: - quit her job and appreciate early retirement, thanks to her husband! - take a look at the lives of the successful women she serves at the diner, and those she saw on the show, and find out just how happy they really are – or are they all on medication for stress? - spend quality time having fun with her daughter, who probably really needs a homely mother at this stage in her life. - appreciate her circumstances and realize how many women would love to be in her shoes. 4.1 – Relationships And Stress. In a relationship, when one individual feels that the demands of life are exceeding what they are capable of giving, it's not unusual for the other to take a beating. The stressed individual can also fall into depression which can be increasingly difficult for the partner to accept, whether due to their being saddened by it or even plain irritated with their partner's 'self-pity' attitude. When a stressed partner in a relationship becomes negative or angry on a frequent basis, this also puts tremendous strain on the relationship; on all the individuals involved. Regardless of the relationship type – individuals that spend a great deal of time together will need to understand one another – help each other to reduce the amount of stress experienced, by: - ensuring that they evaluate their causes of stress honestly, and then take the necessary steps to eliminate them, - ensuring that they both have healthy diets, - ensuring they both have enough time to relax and unwind, - helping one-another to talk their way through complicated issues, - spending time together exercising, - strengthening one-another by supporting each others' beliefs, - helping one another to rationalize when circumstances generate irrational responses, - basically never letting each other fall down. If the partner unaffected by stress is not prepared to assist the stressed partner; in all honesty the relationship should be terminated. Determining your needs, wants and dreams.
When you first decide to set a goal for yourself you will need to know what it is that motivates you to set the goal in the first place. Goals can be set according to needs, wants or dreams: "Am I setting this goal to fulfill a need? Am I setting this goal to obtain something I want? Am I setting this goal to see my dreams become a reality?" In most cases folks that are unable to reach their goals, set their goals initially without considering the viability of the goal, the viability of the steps that need to be taken in order to reach it, and the importance of achieving the goal; how reaching it will ultimately affect their lives. For example; one man would like to own a large house; however, he only earns enough to pay for the small house he has at present, and provide education and food for his children. Realistically - unless he happens upon a windfall, or he is able to begin in a new line of work where his salary will be triple what it is at present, his chances of ever owning a large house are slim. Therefore, trying to set goals that will render him the owner of a large house would be pointless unless he is prepared to make drastic changes to his scenario. He would be setting goals that are not viable – unachievable at present. Waiting for a windfall would not require him to set any goals at all. He can, however, choose to improve his financial situation by beginning in a new line of work. Hence, the goal setting begins. All of his short term goals would be centered on his 'dream' of owning his own large house – which would ultimately become his long term goal. You may say; why is this a 'dream' and not a 'want'? A dream at first may seem as though it has little viability; the chances of it materializing or manifesting are slim, especially if this is dependent on outside influences and circumstances. The base for the man's feelings for his dream can be likened to a 'want' – yes. He wants to own a large house, but it's more than that. Dreams make us extremely happy. If they didn’t they would be called 'nightmares'. Another difference is that even though getting what we want can make us extremely happy too, obtaining your wants can happen in the short term, while dreams can usually only ever happen in the long term. A dream is also nearly always based on a longing, whereas wants are usually easier to obtain. Wants are also often based on impulsive decisions, or decisions that will only fulfill a desire now. There are nearly always definable steps that can be taken in order to get what you want, and getting what you want is usually always possible. If there is a substantial element of doubt – it can be termed a dream. Therefore, the major difference between a dream and a want is the viability or 'chances of' the desired outcome ever materializing or manifesting. Another difference between wants and dreams is that sooner or later a 'want' is either granted or denied, and then the wanting ends definitely. Dreams on the other hand can linger and never be put aside. Frustration is a major disease when it comes to setting goals where need, wants and dreams are concerned, mostly because if one has a dream and wants to reach it but they can barely fulfill their present needs, they may turn to blaming the world, or may turn inward and begin to feel as though they will or have failed. This is where the individual has to be rational, logical, practical and realistic – put the dream aside for a while and concentrate on what's important for the now. That's the great thing about dreams remember, they are always for the long term, and don't need to be rushed into. In summary - needs are the things that we as humans require to survive. On a very basic level this includes food, water, shelter, education and medical care too. These are physical, however. Emotional needs, which are also important, are covered in more depth in the following chapter. You can determine your needs by simply taking a look at what it is you need in order to survive, devoid of luxuries and tainting pleasures. Once you have determined your needs, and are able to determine whether or not these are obtainable, you can then take a look at your wants. Wants are things that we desire to have, things that we don’t necessarily need in order to survive. Your wants could be a new car, a great pair of sunglasses, a holiday to Mauritius, or to be a well-paid artist. Aspects like these are not needs required for survival. However, the last 'want' in the above sentence could have started out as a dream. Perhaps at the time the dream was created you were more interested in becoming a well-known or famous artist, rather than a well-paid one. Dreams are thoughts or images in your mind that you may turn to when you begin to wonder how life 'could' be if you lived in abundance in all areas of life. It's not too difficult to determine whether or not a goal is based on a need, want or a dream, in fact all you will need to do is be honest with yourself; knowing what you are and are not capable of accomplishing, and by living moralistically; knowing what is right and what is wrong. 2.1 - Remembering your first disagreement.
The importance is not so much in the disagreement itself, but rather in how it started and the conclusion to the disagreement. The first disagreement you ever had was the foundation upon which your problem solving methods as a couple were built. If you can think back to how your disagreements used to start, you may be able to notice a sign pointing to a reason for your incompatibility. Most of society will tell you that 'couples always argue' and media depicts arguing as standard behavior among couples. I'm not sure why, because it certainly isn’t necessary. The first factor to be noted here is that there will come a time in any relationship where the two involved will see things a little differently. To breeze through a relationship for longer than five years without having a difference of opinion would be difficult. The reason for this is that if two individuals have grown up in similar realities, the individuals in the relationship may very well see things similarly. However, if they grew up in entirely separate realities, they will have undoubtedly formulated their own answers and opinions and these may sometimes clash, regardless of how strong the actual chemistry between the individuals may be. Your first disagreement may simply have been a passionate mutual discussion or debate. No-one was hurt and you both got to keep your points of view without disgruntling the other. Or, your first disagreement was horrible; you both threw your toys out the cot, then fell out the cot, and then blamed each other for it. Finally, your first disagreement may have been completely one-sided; your partner took his/her frustrations out on you for no apparent reason. To him/her there was a reason, but it wasn’t a reason you could see. The key here is your reaction to your first disagreement. Were there any apologies? Did it end with a rational explanation? Did anyone get hurt physically or emotionally? Did the disagreement serve a purpose or was it a complete waste of time? Did you manage to get your point across or were you silenced? Did your partner cower away and resort to agreeing with everything you say? And, finally – was the argument worth it? Your first question to answer: How did you feel after your first disagreement? Whatever you felt became the foundation for any power struggles you had with each other after that. This is why it is so important not to argue. Debates usually just require one to reveal their point of view, without actually attacking those listening. Power struggles can lead to disputes based on vengeance, resentment and bitterness, and these battles usually lead to wars where a victor wins and the loser falls. Trust is lost and the relationship now becomes based on something other than love… in which case there will come a time when one of the individuals in the partnership will start searching for true love again, because it is lost in the existing relationship… and so the ball starts to roll. 2.2 - Remembering your differences. Some relationships work very well for while because both individuals are as different as they are from one another. A relationship like this works because both individuals get the opportunity to satisfy their curiosity regarding their somewhat opposite personality types. However, how long can a relationship like this last? How long can each individual overlook the differences of the other, after they have discovered all they need to know about the individual's type of personality? It won't be long before both individuals start to search once more… for someone a little more like themselves. Couples who spend most of their time together or live together will discover each others differences long before a couple that see one another only every few days will. Sometimes it can be a good thing to keep distance in a relationship; however, when you're in love, spending every waking moment with your partner is all you want to do. This is understandable. As you begin to live together, you begin to notice your differences. He likes this, she likes that. You discover that there really are only a handful of activities that you both enjoy doing together. You discover the side of your partner that you never knew was there. For example, when you first met, he/she was always so clean and tidy in appearance. After living together for a week he/she shows no sign of wanting to clean up after him/herself. You ask him/her to pickup after him/herself, and he/she turns around and says, "This is my house too. I'll pickup my things when I want to. That's how I did things when I lived alone." You are left with the options of living in a sloppy environment, or forcing him/her to pick his/her things up which ultimately leads to a dispute. If your partner truly loves you, he/she will want you to be happy, but this must be two-sided. You must want to do things that keep your partner happy too. Most of the time relationships end due to this simple issue being overlooked. If living together does not work out, but you enjoy each others company, you could choose to live apart and see each other for fun. However, this does not guarantee a life-long relationship… or it might! Alternately, if its 'happily ever after' you seek; unless both of you are willing to make changes to the way you live, things may not be a bed of roses, in which case – what's the point unless its for convenience. You shouldn’t need to change your personality in any way in order to live with your partner. This is not a part of the picture. Couples that live together harmoniously do so because they are 100% compatible from the start. Don’t bother yourself with thoughts like, 'Maybe I should just change this part of myself for him/her', because if you make the change and it is not respected and appreciated, you may very well end up feeling bitter about having put so much effort into making the change, at your own expense… for nothing. Your second question to answer: How many times during a day did your differences manifest as issues that lead to disagreements that couldn’t be solved with rationality and logic? If your intention is to have a partner that you can argue with as often as necessary, then differing in opinion more often than not won't be bad for you. However, others that look for true love know that true love is harmonious in essence. Disputes and disagreements, although some may eventually lead to harmony, are the complete opposite. On the other hand - debates, interesting conversation, and sharing points of view from both sides of a story without placing your partner in the line of fire can also be fun. If you used to argue without peaceful solution more than four times a week, perhaps the relationship really wasn’t worth it. |
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