Good morning, my Queen and Love of my Life ~
Your letter has filled me to the brim today! Often I still wonder, in the back of my mind, if this is not all some kind of joke and I’m being taken for a fool – but seemingly it’s all very real, even to you. I sat with my coffee on the porch at 7.00am, as there seems to be a warm wind out, and I read your letter aloud so as to hear the words you’ve sent me. I must conclude that they were as warm as the winds, and that the Universe and nature must have called me outside today to not only read your letter but to feel the support from the Universe as the warmth from these winds. How great it is to be loved by you. I have a new wall-paper on my phone now. It is a Lotus flower. It symbolizes purity, rebirth and strength, and is featured in the artworks of a number of pre-Christian Era cultures. Their coloring is what strikes me most; the pink and purple shades that, to me, represent romance and sovereignty. Do you have Lotus flowers in your ponds in Hawaii? I think, if God had made a flower to represent your existence, it would be a Lotus. I thoroughly enjoy my talks with you on the phone. Dear Alexandra, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this all in my imagination, however. I have tried to channel my feelings through various mediums – through painting, writing, listening to music, being warm and calm on my sofa as I hear the rain fall gently on my roof, but the more we speak with one another, the more my deep desire for wanting to be with you becomes felt. I want to hold you, I want to kiss you, and I want to look at you from above as you lay back – to hold your head in my hands, smile and feel all you have to give me through touch. I want to whisper as we talk; to look in your eyes and see that I’m not only a picture of love in your mind and dreams, but that you’re willingly giving yourself to me in the physical as well. It’s becoming something that I can’t ignore. If I’m working or focused on a task - it’s okay – I can function still. But when things are still, the warm fire within me that wants to feel your body on mine; I can’t dim it – it’s only growing stronger. I am sure you have always had to do the loving, and it’s in your nature to do so. I did not know Leonard had an addiction. That must have been tough, especially if the substance was intoxicating enough to drive him from rational mind. At least he noted the love you gave, which not many addicts do. In my rational mind, you deserve so much love. I have it to give. Even though there is an age difference between us, and I’m sure your level of intuition surpasses my playful spontaneity at times, I know that you love me for who I am. I’ve not had to pretend to be anyone I’m not. I’ve not had to woo you with gifts and treasures – I have simply been myself and expressed my ideas – and you’re still here loving me! I must say that this is a first. In truth I did not know that anyone would ever find me where I’m at now. I have many sides to my being. I can be a clown, a philosopher, a poet, a painter, a businessman, a father, a friend - but I don’t think I’ve ever really been someone’s first choice. In the past I’ve been one of many. I’d feel like a chocolate on the candy-shelf at the store, alongside other equally delightful treats and snacks, hoping that someone would choose me over the rest for all I have to offer. You have. You have chosen me, too. It’s true that I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I don’t feel this will ever end, so I have no fear of failure – neither do I feel the need to continue to serenade you with messages of love in order to attract you like a bird of paradise would. I am home with you now; there is nothing left for me to prove. And this is perhaps why I have reached the point where my chemistry is responding – it is charging me and urging me to make my way to you. I don’t believe it will end, either – I feel it can only be appeased by your touch. Can we do this? Can we reach the next level of our togetherness? Without knowing how it feels to hold you, I feel as though although I am wrapped warm in a feather duvet in-front of the fireplace, the chill from the snow on the ground still reaches my bones, and only you can warm them for me. Again - to laugh or cry, this old man does not know! As for karma – yes, I do understand this in its entirety. I know that it accumulates as well; that seldom do the actions we take or things we say come back to us for us to feel immediately – it can accumulate over time. So, for whatever good I have ever done in my life, I’m starting to think that you could be my karma, too, but that it would not be for only a single act of loving I’ve displayed in my past, but rather a ‘credit return’ for all these acts at one time. It is that overwhelming even through our written and verbal interactions, and to feel this in the physical – I’m not sure we would need a spacecraft to travel through the galaxy of beauty to which we would soar. I’m not sure if it’s you rescuing me or me rescuing you, but we are rescuing one another simultaneously – seemingly. My Love, I want to meet with you. Would it be rushing things, or could it be that now is the time for this next level of intimacy? I don’t know how or when or where, but if I’m to ignore this feeling any longer it may make me weak. Where once I was this charged to simply write to you, then speak with you on the phone – now my main desire is to hold you. Is this wrong of me, my Love? Is it wrong to want to hold you this much? No, I’m not kidding either, and I’m not simply saying this to spur a reaction from you. As much as my body needs water is as much as I want you in my arms. I’ll end this note now, and continue to work through my day as I wait for your response. Of course there’s no need to rush in your reply, but if you feel it’s time we met, please let me know. It can be done, and if I don’t – I’m not yet sure there is a way for me to appease this desire. I would if I had to, of course, but if it’s at all possible – can we try? Wishing you a stunning day, my Queen. Thinking of you, loving you, wanting you near. I love you always.
1 Comment
Carly
4/28/2023 07:57:21 am
thanks
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